At Her Worst
by AnarchyisLove
Summary: Very AU. And of course a HEA at the end Donnas best friend returns to Charming. How will she and the others react? Especially Jax. And what caused her to leave 5 years ago? Different take on Tara/Jax romance. I do not own SOA, but it'd be awesome if I did :)
1. The Return

Very different story to Jax and Tara. Will focus on friendship with Opie and Donna. Very little history between Jax and Tara. Enjoy!

Tara sat in her car, fidgeting nervously. She hadn't been in Charming for nearly five years. And the many years she was here before that weren't exactly enjoyable for her. When she fled those years ago, it wasn't because she wanted to, it was because she needed to. Her sanity, even her livelihood depended on it. She hadn't had the easiest life. She was a bigger girl all through her schooling years, and she was constantly made fun of and ridiculed by her peers.

Except for Donna.

When Donna's name crossed her mind, she was immediately hit with guilt and remorse. After all the things, good and bad, her and Donna had gone through, Tara had not once talked to Donna in the five years she had been gone. This was her chance to change that. She had seen Donna's truck and Opie's motorcycle outside the bar in Charming. She had been sitting there in her car for nearly 20 minutes trying to steel herself up for this.

She had changed. After years of ridicule and torment, she ran, and for once she worked on herself. It took time, but she managed to get to be someone that she liked, and accepted. She wasn't skinny, but she was healthy and happy. That's what mattered most to her. She looked down at herself. She knew a lot of people would see her and for the first time, she didn't care what people thought of her appearance, just how they'd receive her in general.

"Oh, screw it" she mumbled to herself as she got out of her car. She took a deep breath and walked to the front door.

The front was nearly empty with just a few women lingering at the bar. Probably hoping a member will pick them up. Whores.

The bartender looked at Tara's appearance and smiled.

"Think you've walked into the wrong bar, dear. This is the slums of Charming."

Tara thought she had dressed down a little. She had on a red top that was long and a pair of black leggings with red and black leather strapped heels. In Chicago, she'd have fit in anywhere.

Tara laughed it off, still fidgeting.

"Actually, I'm looking for Donna Winston." She wasn't sure if Opie and Donna had married, but it was a good guess.

"What do you want with Donna?"

"I just want to see her. I'm on old friend." Tara moved to go to the back of the bar, but the bartender cut her off.

"I'll go see if she's here sweetheart." The bartender was used to women dropping old ladies names to gain access to the club. He wasn't falling for that again. He walked back to the party room where most of the club and their old ladies were celebrating Jax's birthday. He heard Donna before he saw her.

"I haven't had this much fun since Jax's 18th birthday party." Donna said to Opie. Jax was with them and at this he laughed extremely loud.

"Oh yeah! That night was amazing. You got up and sang impromptu karaoke and you and Tara danced on my mom's dining room table."

"Yeah, there's still scratch marks from the heels you just HAD to keep on." Opie added.

By the time the bartender got to the trio, the men were laughing, but Donna had a sad smile on her face.

"Hey old man, what's up?" Jax asked the weathered looking bartender.

"There's a young woman up front asking for Donna. She was very adamant about seeing her."

Opie spoke first. "You recognize her?" With a negative confirmation he continued, "so, she's not a crow eater?"

"Nah, not likely. She is high class looking. Said she was on old friend." Jax, Donna, and Opie all looked at eachother.

Jax turned to Opie. "Hey Op, let's go see who has decided to grace your beautiful wife with their presence."

Tara sat at the bar to wait. She had been sitting for maybe a full minute when she heard heavy foot fall behind her. She peeked through her hair to see Jax and Opie walking towards her. She straightened out immediately. She could have smiled at the dedication, had she not been so damn nervous. Opie and his six and a half foot frame, was skinnier then she remembered. His beard and hair both getting long. Donna must love that, Tara thought. Next to him stood the Prince of Charming. All blond hair, blue eyes, and ruggedly handsome.

"You're here for Donna?"

Tara nodded her head. All her steely reserve gone upon hearing Op's gravely, yet unbelievably soft voice. She sat still for another 10 seconds before she got off her bar stool and turned to the boys.

Recognition from Opie was immediate. He threw his giant frame at her and hugged her till she couldn't breathe. Jax scoffed from behind them.

"Op, you can't just hug a woman because she claims to know your wife. And the fact that she has a very striking resemblance to our beautiful…HOLY SHIT! It can't be." Opie was still hugging Tara when Jax had his revelation.

Tara could feel herself tearing up. She had hoped they'd be excited to see her, but this was amazing. Opie finally put her down and she turned to Jax. He was staring at her dumbfounded.

"Well look at you, Tara Knowles. Back in Charming. Good to see you, darling." He dipped his head to Tara.

"Shut the fuck up and give her a hug, brother." Opie said.

Tara smiled at Opie. "It's alright, Op. It's an adjustment, I know. Plus, Jax was only friends with me by default. I was best friends with Donna, him with you, it's almost necessary for there to be friendly contact with one another." Tara babbled. She didn't want to admit to herself how excited she was at the prospect of seeing Jax. She also didn't see the look of disappointment that passed quickly on Jax's face.

"So, let's go surprise Donna huh?" Opie's eyes were gleaming with excitement.

"Tara, walk behind Jax, and try to hide. I'm going to set this up." Tara smiled in adoration for her pseudo brother. He was like a very, very large child.

Opie took off running to the party room. Tara turned and followed closely behind Jax. Her heart skipped a beat when he grabbed her hand and squeezed gently. He didn't linger, but it was enough to send her body into flames.

"It _is_ good to see you. What happened to you to make you leave?" Tara sighed and just shook her head against his back.

"Well, another time then, yeah?"

They got to the party room in time to hear Opie clear his throat before beginning what was sure to be an unusual introduction.

"I know we're celebrating Jax's birthday, but we have a surprise for Donna." Murmurs could be heard, and then Jax and Tara stepped into view.

"No! You got your wife a stripper? Really? She's into that sort of thing?!" Tig commented. Tara flipped him off, even though he was virtually a complete stranger. At the same time, Donna told him to fuck off.

"Huh. Must be sisters," Tig replied, laughing.

Opie cleared his throat and spoke again.

"Ladies, brothers, beautiful wife of mine, I present you…"Opie trailed off as he moved his hand from her face. Tara was still standing securely behind Jax. Donna scoffed.

"Jax is my 'stripper'? Awesome!" Donna said sarcastically. Tara still had her head dug into Jax's back. She nodded and side stepped around him as he spoke.

"Tara fuckin' Knowles, ladies and gentlemen."

Though many of the club members hadn't met Tara, they knew plenty about her from the stories Donna, Jax, and Opie tell. There was a beat of silence and then loud cheering. Except for one distinct person.

Donna stood in place, shocked.

She looked at Tara in disbelief. It had been five years. Five years of pain and worry for her best friend. Donna hadn't even noticed the difference in her appearance right away, though that would soon change. She only saw her long lost friend standing in front of her.

Tara had felt herself begin to cry. She didn't feel rejected per se, just worried that Donna wouldn't be as receptive to her as Opie had been.

Tara began to walk up to Donna, who was still immobile.

"Donna?" Opie asked, concern leaking through his tone.

Donna took two long strides and was toe to toe with Tara.

"Donna, I'm sorry. I had to leave. I'm so sorry." Tara stopped when her voice cracked under all the emotion she was feeling.

Donna just shook her head trying to understand, well, everything. Donna did the only thing that she could think to do, and she slapped Tara hard across the face.

Tara stared at her sadly, but not surprised. Donna was a very emotional person. When she had an emotion too strong within her, she acted out in some way. Opie knew this first hand. If Tara was the epitome of calm, Jax was the epitome of surprise. He stood slightly in front of Tara. Donna had slapped him before, he could take it.

"Donna!" Opie admonished his wife.

"No guys, it's okay. Let her get it out now." Tara said. And that must have been Donna's cue, because she did let it all out then.

"Five years. Five damn years, Tara. You don't call, email, send a smoke signal, nothing. You have NO idea what we've been through since you left. What I've been through. I was starting to think you were fucking dead! Did you know we have a daughter? Or that nine months ago I was pregnant again, but miscarried? Or how about when Opie went to prison for three years? I needed you! And where the hell were you? Huh? Out getting skinny and all dolled up. Tara, I needed you." Donna's voice lowered and she advanced on Tara again. Instead of hitting her, which everyone semi-expected, Donna threw herself at Tara and hugged her for dear life. Her resolve vanished and she just needed her best friend.

After all the excitement died down, and Tara was introduced to the group, the party was in full swing again. Donna was out calling to check on her daughter and Tara found herself with Jax, Opie, and Chibs. Tara noted the heavy accent and the menacing scars on his face.

"So love, how long are you going to be in our Charming little town?" Chibs asked. Jax didn't turn to her, but listened intently to her response.

"A while. I got a job at the hospital here in town, in the neonatal department."

"Are you a doctor?" Chibs asked.

"Hardly," Tara laughed. "I'm a nurse and my concentration is in neonatal development. I'm planning to become a doctor, though. I was in med school back in Chicago, but things got…complicated." Tara stuttered the end of her sentence. Her eyes went far away and she looked slightly frightened. Chibs noticed, and went to touch Tara's hand that was now resting under her chin. As soon as his hand came into her line of sight, she involuntarily flinched back and nearly toppled off the bar stool. Jax's hands instinctively went out to catch her, but she shooed him away.

"I'm okay. I'm fine. Excuse me." Tara left to go find a bathroom or the nearest exit. She needed a cigarette. She found the exit before the bathroom, and made a beeline for her car. Donna caught up to her just as she found her stashed cigarettes in the center console of the Cutlass.

"Hey, you're not leaving are you?" Donna asked worriedly.

"Huh? No, just needed some air and a smoke. It's a little much, ya know?" Tara fumbled with her lighter.

"You're telling me! I still can't believe you're here." Donna's anger had subsided, but wasn't gone. More displaced then anything. "Will we have time to catch up before you jet off again?" Donna's tone had turned slightly sad.

"I'm not going anywhere Donna, not this time." Tara said reassuringly, and realized then that she meant it.

While Tara and Donna were catching up outside, the mood was slightly tense with the trio Tara had just left.

"Okay, I know I'm drunk and all, but I didn't like try to hit her did I?" Chibs asked, a mix between confused and concerned.

"No, but my guess is that someone else has." Jax responded angrily.

"Well, this just got complicated." Chibs said.

"Jax, I know what you're thinking, but we need to let her get settled in before we bombard her with questions about her past. Let's not scare her away." As he finished his sentence, he saw the woman of topic and Donna walking back into the room. Chibs excused himself when they got to the table.

"Where's he going?" Tara asked.

"Who the hell knows," Opie replied.

The next few minutes passed with easy conversation between the old friends. Before long, Chibs returned with two bottles of tequila and five shot glasses.

"Oh shit! Chibs is ready to get the night going!" Opie exclaimed.

"I think I should sit these out. My hotel is in Lodi. I'm staying there until next week when I finalize my house here in Charming." Tara told them.

"Lodi? That's not a good idea." Chibs thought out loud.

"Why? It's not too far away and it's cheap." Tara had been caught off guard by Chibs statement and wanted an answer. They didn't disappoint.

"Yeah, it's cheap because prostitutes go there for business. Lodi is big on crank too. Please stay with Donna and me this week. Jax will be there some nights, but we have a guest room and a not so comfortable couch." Opie was very adamant about Tara NOT staying in Lodi.

Tara really didn't want to impose, but from the sounds of Lodi, she didn't want to be stuck in that hotel for even a single night.

"Alright, sounds good," Tara agreed. "Sure you don't mind?"

"No, not at all, it'll be good. We can all catch up."

As the night progressed, Tara was introduced to the rest of the club. The Perv she came to know as Tig. Though, she liked The Perv better. From what she's heard, it seems quite fitting. There was also Bobby, who was a nice guy, and surprisingly not creepy at all. Clay gave her a weird vibe, but she wasn't sure why. Next she met Juice, who was completely drunk at the time and shamelessly tried flirting with her. The last one she was introduced to was Kozik. She learned that he was a club member, but he was in the Tacoma charter. He was filling in while Piney was out dealing with some "personal demons". The prospect was apparently out cleaning the clubhouse where a waterline broke and flooded the whole place.

At about 1 A.M., the group began to disperse. Tara, Jax, Opie, Donna, and Chibs were all still in a group together. The men were on the verge of oblivion, while Tara and Donna had managed to get two shots and switched to soda.

"Hey guys are you ready to go home? It's late," Donna asked Opie and Jax.

"Yeah, I gotta be off too." Chibs slurred.

"Um, Chibs? How are you planning on getting home?" Tara asked. Chibs laughed like it was the funniest thing he had ever heard.

"I'm going to take my bike sweetheart. I sure the hell ain't walking across town."

"Yeah, that's not going to happen my friend," Donna told Chibs.

"What do you mean? My bikes right outside."

"Yeah, no shit, but you're not driving it. You're not going to want to argue with me, because you won't win." Donna said, smiling sweetly. Behind her, Jax and Opie were shaking their heads, eyes closed. Tara couldn't help but laugh, and Donna joined in when she turned around and saw the duo.

"Ugh, fine." Chibs fumbled with his pockets trying to find his phone. He got it out and looked at it for a while, before handing it over to Tara.

"Find Prospect in my phone." Tara did as asked and handed it back to Chibs.

"Sack! Wake up. I need you to come get my bike from O'Malleys. Hurry up, I don't have all night. Well I guess I do, but whatever. Just get here." He shut the phone and handed it back to Tara. She held her hand out and just stared at it.

"Uh, hey Chibs? That's not mine." Chibs mumbled something about "that woman" and handed the phone to Jax, who pocketed it without question.

Donna drove her truck home with Opie in the passenger seat, and Chibs in the middle. While Tara had Jax as a passenger in the Cutlass. It was already a long night, and wasn't even close to over yet.


	2. The Reveal

**A/N: So there have been a lot of questions posted through private messaging. ****It's kind of hard to say where this story will go because it is very AU so I'm not going off canon, except for a few situations.****There was no relationship in high school between Tara and Jax, but there is some history which will be uncovered later! :) Again, some angst, but just a nice story to get over what actually happened to the four characters that are involved.****This story will also be heavy on Chibs and Kozik.**

_Donna drove her truck home with Opie in the passenger seat, and Chibs in the middle. While Tara had Jax as a passenger in the Cutlass. It was already a long night, and wasn't even close to over yet._

Tara was at a loss for what to say to Jax. They weren't exactly close, but she was sure that they didn't hate each other either. Jax was the first one to break the silence.

"So do you have a boyfriend that will be joining you soon?" Jax wanted to know for personal reasons, and because he was sure there was a deranged boyfriend, or ex-

boyfriend, that he would have to beat up for the way Tara acted earlier.

Tara laughed lightly. "No, no boyfriend to speak of. At least not anymore."

"That sounds intriguing." Jax replied.

"Not really. It happened, it's over and it's time to move on." Jax noted how Tara seemed more like she was trying to convince herself then him. He figured it was best just to let it go.

"What about you? Married? Girlfriend?" Tara was also personally interested, but tried to hide it with nonchalance.

"Well, it's kind of a long story. For now, since my drunk mind can't tolerate much more, I'll say this: I have an ex fiance that is five months pregnant with my kid." Tara's mind was reeling. Jackson Teller is going to be a dad? That was not at all expected.

"Wow, congrats on the kid Jax." Tara didn't mean for her voice to be so void of emotion, but it was anyway.

"Yeah, I guess. Let's talk about something else. That topic is pretty depressing and depression and tequila don't mix well."

Tara was following closely behind Donna and through her conversation with Jax had lost some of her concentration, so when Donna slowed down, attempting to turn into the driveway, Tara nearly rear ended the truck.

"Sure you're not drunk?" Jax asked her lightly?

"Yep, positive."

Tara parked in the driveway behind Donna, who was in the garage. With the light shining in the back window, Jax and Tara could see Chibs and Opie. Opie had his head thrown back in an impossible looking angle. But Chibs was another story. He had his whole body turned towards Opie and had his head buried in Opie's hair. It was comical to say the least.

"Should we just leave them out here for tonight?" Donna asked.

"Donna, I can't tell if you're serious, but NO we shouldn't leave them for tonight. Opie will be pissed to wake and find someone who ISN'T you laying in his lap." Jax said, laughing at his own lame attempt at a joke.

"Ugh, you're probably right. Since it's your idea, you get to help wake them up," Donna replied back, also laughing.

"How adverse are you to water in your truck?"

"Not so much as long as you're the one cleaning it up."

"Deal!" Jax said while running towards the front door.

"Well, I see he hasn't changed much in the last five years. Still a large child, like Opie."

"Yeah, it gets pretty annoying some days, but they have been great with Ellie. Sometimes it does feel like I have three kids, but it's been fun." Donna said, looking lovingly at her passed out husband.

When they heard a band from the front door, both women turned to see what Jax had brought out with him. And when they saw him, they both stopped, semi exasperated with what he had decided to put water in. Instead of bringing out a small cup of water, Jax had filled a large sauce pan to the brim, and was carrying it out while trying not to spill it.

"Remember, you're cleaning this up!" Donna was able to yell, as Jax flung the passenger door open and doused both men in water.

Neither man said anything with the cold contact on their skin. Chibs was so used to the mode of waking up, and Opie too drunk to notice what woke him up.

"Doc? Doc is that you?" Chibs asked Tara.

"I'm a nurse Chibs, not a doctor."

"It's the same thing love, you just get paid less. Hey question. Where the hell am I, and why do I have hair in my mouth?" Tara and Donna looked at each other and broke out into hysterical laughter.

"Alright honey, let's get you to bed." Tara said putting one of Chibs arms around her shoulder, while Jax staggered to get the other one. Chibs wouldn't go farther than the living room, saying he liked the uncomfortable couch.

"Reminds me of the clubhouse. I sleep better imagining a crow eater sleeping between my legs."

Tara didn't say anything, but she had a few choice words she wanted to share with him. When she turned around, she saw that Opie had managed to get himself out of the truck and was walking towards Tara. Before she could respond, Opie had her in another bone crushing hug.

"It's so good to have you back Tar. Things will be hard for a while, but they will smooth out soon enough. And talk to Jax tonight, you're wrong about what you said. About the friendship thing. That's not all it was, it was never a convenience and peace offering." Opie slurred through all his words, but the truth in them rung out so clearly, it almost knocked Tara over.

Donna was finally able to wrangle Opie into bed, and came back out to explain the sleeping situations.

"Okay, so this is awkward. There's only one guest bedroom. Can you two figure out a plan that works for you? I need to go make sure Op ain't gonna puke in the bed again this weekend." Donna had a horrified look in his face as she remembered last weekend when her husband was so drunk he rolled over and threw up in between them instead of getting out of bed.

"Yeah, Donna, we're fine. Good night."

After Donna had left for her bedroom, Jax and Tara stood there silently for a minute. Jax nudged Tara on the shoulder.

"The guest room is this way. I'll show you where everything is."

Jax led her down a narrow hallway. On the left side she could hear Donna reminding her husband about his episode from last weekend. Tara laughed and continued following Jax. He pointed out the bathroom and nursery as they walked by them. On the last door of the hallway was the guest bedroom. It had a queen size bed and quite a bit of floor room.

"You take the bed; I'll take the floor in here if you don't mind. I'd stay in the living room, but last time I did that, I got stepped on by the person vacating the couch."

Tara smiled in approval, but inside her stomach was doing somersaults. She knew that in a matter of minutes, Jax would be sleeping, but it didn't help when she thought about him sleeping mere feet from her. Tara excused herself to the bathroom to try to get her nerves in check before she went back in there. She stayed in the bathroom for probably twenty minutes when she finally was able to pull herself from the comfort of her loneliness and go to the spare room.

Jax had already made a bed on the floor and looked to be sleeping. Tara quietly made her way to the bed, which was quite large by her standards. As she laid there, she let her self think. Think about her last 5 years. She wasn't ready to admit to anyone why she had left, but knew that she would need to in order to really start healing her emotional wounds. Those were the ones that were hardest to heal, the ones that no one could see. She thought things would be good for her when she went to school in Chicago, but again, she had managed to get herself into a situation she wished she never would have. If she hadn't been such a coward and left, then maybe she wouldn't have this constant fear running with her. But then again, staying in Charming, that is fear itself.

Tara was cut off from her thinking by Jax's unexpected voice.

"That's not really what you think is it?" He asked, voice gravely with sleep.

"What?" Tara asked surprised.

"About our friendship. That I was only friends with you by association? That I was basically guilt tripped into being your friend?"

Tara laid there, stunned. Of course that's what she thought. In any other circumstance, why would Jackson Teller, Prince of Charming, talk to fat girl Tara Knowles?

"Well, yeah, I do think that. Am I wrong?"

Tara heard movement from the side of the bed, and Jax's face appeared. He looked emotionally distraught, and Tara wasn't sure what had happened. He nodded to the bed, asking for permission to come and sit with her. She reluctantly nodded her head and sat up against the head board. Jax groaned as he got up off the floor, but quickly came to rest on the far side of the bed.

"That's bullshit you know. I would never be friends with someone just because I felt the need to. Yes, I'm loyal to Opie, deathly loyal, but that's just mean. Why would I take the time to be friends with someone just because of those reasons? You've known me most of my life, barring the last five years, and when have you ever seen me do something just because it was expected?"

Tara was shocked, yet again, but Jax's honesty. She thought back to her schooling days, and the more she thought, the more she realized that he was right. He'd never done something just because it was expected. He may be rough, and do things that aren't exactly legal, but Jax was honest to himself. Tara didn't respond. She didn't know what she could say, or even if she could say it without stuttering and looking like a complete moron.

"I didn't think so. You don't really know much about me do you? I mean, we hung out, but how much do you know about me?" Jax asked her seriously.

"Not much, I guess. But I think things go both ways. I don't think you know, or understand, much about me either. You can't just sit there and say how oblivious I am to the world, when you and Opie missed things that were right in front of your faces!" Tara realized all too late what she had said. Hoping Jax would not pinpoint on a mistake, she continued.

"You know nothing about what I went through. Donna helped me out with my emotional needs, but what about the other stuff. The ridicule and torment. Walking down the halls and people pushing me, or tripping me. Or how about one day when I got cornered in the locker room by Dylan Smith who thought I would be an easy lay since no one else wanted me.." Jax tried cutting her off, telling her to stop, but she kept going. She would soon wish had stopped. Her emotions had gotten the best of her and now she was crying. "Or you want to know the icing on the cake Jax? What about when I started sleeping with one of the members of your club, and he became so jealous of you and Opie that he beat this shit out of my repeatedly and threatened to kill me if I didn't stop seeing you two. Where were you then? Where was our friendship when you were out fucking random sluts and drinking yourself stupid that you couldn't even see what was going on right in your own clubhouse. You wanted to know why I left? You really want to know now? SAMCRO. SAMCRO is why I left Jax." As soon as the words left Tara's mouth. She knew she had fucked up. Jax looked so enraged that she was scared to move to get away from him, but scared of what he would do if she didn't move.

Jax advanced upon her and Tara flinched away immediately, hands shielding her face on reflex. She was cowering in the corner, making herself as small as she possibly could. But through her fingers she could still see Jax moving towards her. He gripped her hands and moved them away from her face. Tara quietly begged.

"Please Jax, don't hurt me. I'm sorry for what I said about the club. I didn't mean to tell you those things. Please." Her sobs were broken, but plentiful. Jax, finally able to move Tara's hands from her face, replaced his own there.

"Tara, look at me." When she didn't his voice got a little louder, but not angry. "Tara, look at me, please." Tara's resolve had broken when she heard such thick emotion in his voice. She wasn't sure why it was there, but it was there none the less. She opened her eyed and was met with Jax's.

"First of all, I will NEVER hurt you. Please, don't be afraid of me. And now I need you to tell me who did that to you. I'm going to make it right. I HAVE to make it right."

Tara just sat there, unmoving. She was not about to spill all of her dirty secrets to Jax, when she hadn't even confided in Donna yet. She wasn't ready for this, she needed time to prepare or things would get all jumbled in her head. She couldn't do this.

"I'm sorry." Jax said and leaned forward to kiss her forehead. Before she could move out of her stupor, Jax was gone and banging around the house. It took Tara about ten seconds to realize that he was waking everyone up. Her heart started hammering in her chest and she knew that she should have just kept her mouth shut about it all. When she finally caught up to him, Chibs was sitting awake on the couch, looking a bit better, but still pretty shitty, and he was banging on Opie and Donna's door.

"Opie, get up! We got a situation that needs taking care of. SAMCRO business. Don't make me break down the door." At that threat Donna, half naked, swung the door open.

"No need for violence Jax, we were just um, busy." Donna said with a sly smile on her face. Opie was in the room getting dressed, and throwing one of his shirts at Donna.

"I'll be back later, babe."

"No, we're not leaving. And we need Donna with us. Front room, Chibs is already up." Jax walked away and Donna and Opie shared a confused look with each other before they exited the bedroom. Donna caught site of Tara.

"Hey, any idea what's going on?"

"Unfortunately, yes, I know what's going on. I'm sorry." Tara said seriously, and now Donna was even more confused.

Once everyone was convened into the living room, Jax looked to Tara to begin, hoping she could reiterate her story and she wouldn't have to speak for him. When she didn't make a move to say anything, Jax went ahead without her.

"So, Tara and I got into a little argument just a minute ago." Jax was cut off by Donna.

"Jesus Jax! She isn't even home for 12 hours and you're fighting already? Way to make her feel comfortable."

"Hey! Wait you don't even know what we were talking about. Let me finish." Upon hearing no objection from Donna, he continued.

"We were talking about our friendship in high school and Tara let out a good bit of information she didn't want to. First off I want to start by saying if I ever see Dylan Smith again I'm going to rip his balls off and shove them down his throat." Donna gave Tara a knowing look, but Opie didn't know.

"He cornered Tara in the locker room and tried to push himself on her. And surprisingly that's the least of our concerns. There's someone in the club that's hurt Tara."

"What do you mean hurt, Jackie Boy?" Chibs, who had not been paying attention before, was at full attention now.

"Tara, do you want to tell them?" Tara knew if she didn't do it, then Jax might embellish things a bit, though things were bad enough.

"The reason I left five years ago was because I had started sleeping with a member, and he didn't like my friendship with Jax and you," she said meeting Opie's eyes.  
"He got extremely jealous and when I refused to stop seeing you, he started hitting me. Just a couple times at first, and then it got bad. He would beat the living shit out of me on a weekly basis. The last straw was when he threatened to kill me if I didn't stop. I was scared enough to believe he would actually do it, so I left. I didn't say anything to Donna because I didn't want the rest of the club finding out. I didn't know what he would do if he knew I told anyone. I left because of SAMCRO."

Donna and Tara were both crying, and Opie and Jax shared the same murderous glare. Chibs looked angry, but not as much as Jax and Opie.

"Club members don't do that. We don't beat the shit out of women, or threaten to kill them, barring some extenuating circumstances." Chibs spoke first, breaking the heated silence.

"Who was it?" Everyone in the room was surprised at the amount of hostility in Opie's voice. He turned to his wife. "Did you know about this?"

Donna sat silent. She knew Tara had started sleeping with a member, and she knew who it was. But given what's happened since Tara left, Donna really didn't want to tell her husband that the same man that pushed Tara out of Charming was the same man that sent him to prison.

"I knew of her involvement with a club member, but I didn't know about the violence. I would never let Tara get hurt and do nothing about it Op! She's like a sister to us and I would never do that. But yes, I knew about some of it."

"Unfuckingbelievable."

"Okay can we stop bitching about who knows what information and get to what really matters? Doc, who did that to you?" Chibs asked, turning the attention back to Tara.

"I don't want to tell you. I'm scared."

"Darlin' there's nothing to be scared of. Once you tell us who did it, this will all be taken care of." Jax said softly.

Donna could tell Tara was caving, and she wanted to prepare the boys for what they were about to hear.

"Just, watch your anger when she tells you. You're going to flip out and it's not going to be good. Just remember that there is a scared woman in here who has seen enough violence from SAMCRO, so don't show anymore right now." Chibs, Opie, and Jax didn't know what to say, but they looked angry, and now semi-scared.

With all eyes on Tara, she spoke the one name that no club member wanted to hear again.

"It was Kyle Hobart."

**A/N: okay guys, this is part one of a two part chapter! Let me know what you think about the bad guy of this story! :) Well, the bad guy in Charming anyway.**


	3. Complications

**A/N: I've gotten a lot of feedback and almost all of it is positive, I appreciate that! :) I have a few days off work with the holiday, so I'm updating more regularly then I will be after this weekend. I will updating it once a week after this one! It might be sooner then that, but I don't want to lie and say it'll be every 3 days when reality, is life happens! So, chapter 3, enjoy! Review or PM if you like it, don't like it, or have questions. I answer all reviews that are from registered users. I'm not able to reply to guests, sorry :(**

_"It was Kyle Hobart."_

Everyone heard her, but no one wanted to believe her. She looked around the room. Opie and Jax were so mad, they looked like they were in pain, and Chibs finally looked as mad as they were. Tara understood some anger, but she hadn't anticipated this. Why was everyone so torn up about this? People get beat up all the time, it's not like this is something new. Tara then realized, it was because it was her. She was a cherished friend of Donna, and Opie. Opie was a member of the club that had abused her and pushed her out. Tara had to backtrack. The club hadn't pushed her out, she couldn't keep thinking of it that way if she were to have a shot at successfully staying in Charming. It was one horrible member, not the club as a whole.

"Did you just say it was Kyle?" Opie asked quietly. Tara looked at him more closely and realized that he was shaking.

"Yeah. Opie, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong? You had someone beat the shit out of you and threaten to kill you because your friends with me and Jax. AND he was a member of the club. That's what's wrong Tara. How can you not see the severity of this situation?!" Opie was showing the anger that Donna had not wanted him to.

"Opie, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I really am. I was so ashamed that I let myself get put into that situation that I just kept it to myself. And then when things got bad, I literally crept out of Charming in the middle of the night. But you're too mad. Yes, it's a big deal but it happens to people all the time."

"Doc, this is a bigger deal then you think. I've known these boys forever, and this is something that hasn't happened. There is no real response set in place for when something like this happens. I've heard countless stories about you, and you're wrong when you think it's okay because it happens to others. These boys, and myself, aren't worried about the others, we're worried about you."

Chibs' sincerity caught Tara off guard. But she couldn't help to think that there was more to the situation.

"While we're telling secrets, you should probably know mine." It was Opie that spoke this time. Everyone's attention turned to him. Even though Tara was the only one who didn't know, the others listened intently anyway.

"Can you keep a club secret, Tara?" Opie asked her.

"It seems she's pretty good about keeping secrets, Op." Jax added sarcastically. Opie ignored his dig at Tara and continued.

"About two months after you left, Kyle and I were on a job together for the club. We were blowing up a warehouse. Things didn't go as planned, and the cops showed up. Kyle bailed and I was left to take the fall for the arson. With my priors, I was sentenced to 5 years in prison. I got out in 3 years. While I was inside, the club had voted and Kyle was excommunicated from the club. He's not a member anymore. I paid my dues, and when I came out, he was gone. He's popped up now and then, since his ex wife and children still live here in Charming, but there is no good blood between him and the club."

Tara thought hard about what Opie was telling her. If she had told them about Kyle earlier, maybe Opie wouldn't have been sent to prison. She had not only caused the pain to Donna of losing her best friend, she also caused the pain of losing her husband. What if Kyle had left Opie because he was mad about Tara leaving him? Either that, or Kyle really was a coward and couldn't face the consequences for his actions.

"This is all my fault. If I would have told you guys, this wouldn't have happened. Kyle probably left you there because of his resentment towards me."

"There's a possibility of that, but this isn't your fault. You were trying to protect yourself and that's the most natural human instinct: survival." Chibs told her.

"I didn't tell you that to make you feel bad, Tara. I hadn't even thought of that. I just wanted you to know why we reacted the way that we did. This isn't going to just get swept under the rug and forgot about." Opie's anger had subsided a little, and he was able to think more clearly about situations.

"Hey Doc. While we're on testy subjects, can I ask you a question? When we were at the bar, and I tried to touch your hand. Did you flinch away because of the reflex from Kyle? Or is the complication with med school you mentioned part of it too?"

Tara had hoped that she wouldn't have to tell anyone about that. She could just use the Kyle excuse, but there was always the possibility of Adam returning. She might as well get all the bad shit out there now and not have to relive it more then once.

"When I was in Chicago I met someone in one of my classes. He was nice and things were going great. Then he got weird and possessive, never hit me, but I was always afraid of that. I tried to end things and then he started stalking me. This time I was smart enough to end things before they got physical, but he still scares me. I don't know if he'll show up here, but I'm hoping that he doesn't. That's it, that's my whole horrible history of my life up until now. Please, don't drag anything more out of me, I don't think I could handle it."

"Jesus Tara, why didn't you come home sooner? Or why didn't you just tell us about Kyle?" Jax asked her, completely exasperated.

"Jax, let me ask you a question. Has Kyle ever killed a man before?" The silence she was met with was the only answer she needed.

"Now tell me why I was wrong to leave town when he threatened to kill me? If he's capable of killing someone he doesn't know or has to track down, what could he have done with me so at his disposal?"

Tara had a good point and they all knew it. They could sit and argue with Tara about her decisions until everyone was blue in the face, but they knew she had a point.

"I'm going to kill him."

Everyone turned to look at Jax. Donna and Tara had horrified expressions on their faces, while Opie and Chibs had looks of resignation on theirs.

"What?! No, Jax. It's over. There's nothing to do now except move on from this. He obviously won't be coming back here anytime soon. Please, just let it go?"

"Let it go. Tara you've got to be fucking kidding me! All the shit he did to you, which we still don't know the complete story, and you want to just let it go? What the fuck is wrong with you that you don't want someone sticking up for you? Have you not changed at all? Little Tara sitting in the corner crying, playing the martyr when she doesn't need to!" Jax stopped short, realizing what he had said to her.

"Fuck you, Jax. You know nothing. How dare you put a label on me when you know NOTHING. Back to our earlier topic, now even more then ever I believe that you were friends with me for Opie's sake. Otherwise you wouldn't have such a jaded fucking view on the person that I was then or the person that I am now!" Tara got up and made her way to the guest room, locking the door behind her.

"Way to go, Jax. Thought we were going to make it the rest of the night without doing something stupid." Donna admonished Jax and went back to the spare bedroom.

Opie and Chibs sat quietly while Jax quietly stewed over the mistake that he had made. He didn't mean to be such an ass, it just happened.

"We need to take this to the club." Chibs said

"We can't break Tara's trust like that." Jax said, feeling even more guilt.

"Jax, we have to. We won't tell about Tara's personal life in Chicago, that's not their business. But we have to go to the club about what was going on when he was still a member. Someone might know something. Though, I hope it's not too much. I don't know if I could take another brother letting this happen."

Jax was resigned to admit that Opie was right. "Alright, but we should sleep some. We have chapel in a few hours anyway, and we can discuss things then."

-AHW-

Donna knocked quietly on Tara's door, only to get met with silence.

"Tara, it's Donna. Can you unlock the door please?"

Tara didn't say anything, but came and unlocked the door. Donna followed Tara to the bed where they both laid down.

"Jax didn't mean it, Tara. He is just really angry about all the information you have given him tonight. He thought it was his fault you left five years ago, and he's never forgiven himself for it. He thought he was the one that had caused you all that pain."

Tara was confused. How could Jax have caused that pain? She didn't realize she spoke out loud until Donna had responded to her.

"Tara, do you remember what happened at the New Years Eve party we went to at the clubhouse, the year that you left?"

Tara laughed remembering all the stupid shit her and Donna would do at parties. They had so much fun that night. Playing beer pong with the guys, singing karaoke, on a machine this time, and winning two hands of poker against some members from a different charter. Most of the Redwood Charter were off doing a job. That was the first, and only, time Tara had been to a party at the club house. The other few times she was there, Kyle snuck her in when he was staying there to get away from his wife.

"Yeah, we drank a lot and won a lot of money." Tara said laughing. But stopped short when she realized that Donna wasn't laughing too.

"Is that all you remember?"

Tara was quiet as she thought about that night. It wasn't until she thought about Jax that she remembered.

"Yeah, I remember. Well, at least now I do. I guess I suppressed it because I chalked it up to a drunken night." Tara said sadly.

"You were the only one drinking, Tara. And you weren't even that drunk. Jax was sober. He had just gotten back from Oakland and you were laying in his bed because you said it was probably the cleanest out of the bunch."

_Flashback to New Years Eve 2002_

_"Donna, all my alcohol has worn off. Either I need to drink more, or go lay down."_

_"Tara, if you drink more you'll be sorry, you should just go lay down. You can go to my room." Opie said._

_Tara laughed. "Naw, I'm sure Jax's room is the cleanest here. He does his dirty business elsewhere." Opie showed her the way to Jax's room, not knowing she'd been in the clubhouse before._

_"Thanks guys. See you in the morning. Don't leave me here alone in the morning please."_

_Tara laid there for probably two hours without falling asleep. She was going over the growingly hostile situation with Kyle and how to handle it. She was scared, and sick of having to cover up bruises, or not see Donna for days at a time until they were light enough to pass as something else. She wished she could just tell Jax and Opie, but that would mean things would probably get worse. They might not even believe her. Kyle was a club member after all. Why would he be violent towards a woman, let alone a friend of the club? During her musings, Tara hadn't noticed that someone had entered the room._

_"Well, well, well. What have we got here?" Jax asked. Tara shot up in bed._

_"Oh, hey Jax. Sorry I crashed here. I thought this would be the best since you weren't here and everyone else is kind of sluts from what I hear." Tara said in a laughing tone._

_"Nah, it's alright. I'm kinda tired though. Would you be too put out if I asked to sleep on the other side of you? No funny business I promise." Jax flashed her his signature grin."_

_She was nervous, but it was his bed after all._

_"Yeah, I guess. I could go home too. I'm not that drunk anymore, and I'd be fine to drive if you'd prefer."_

_"Tara, that's dumb. Don't even think about it. We can share a bed, it's not that big of a deal, right?"_

_Tara moved all the way over to one side, and Jax laid down on the other. They were silent for a few minutes, and Tara was beginning to fall asleep._

_"So how was the party?" Jax asked sleepily._

_"It was great actually. Too bad you missed it. Donna and I danced and sang and even played some games against the guys. I won two hands of poker."_

_Jax laughed heartily. "You beat a big bad biker gang at poker? That's dangerous, these assholes are sore losers."  
_

_"Nah, they were pretty good about it. They have a lot of money to be spending though, Jesus. They kept trying to up the ante and Donna and I didn't have that kind of money."_

_"It's probably because they lost to two pretty girls that they didn't throw fits."_

_"Oh please. They aren't that bad of guys, Jax. I mean, I don't know them at all but they seem pretty nice. I like it here, it feels like family."_

_"This is a family, Tara. Not your traditional kind of course, but who's traditional anymore anyway?"_

_As the conversation grew on, neither noticed how close they had come to each other. There was maybe only a foot separating them now, and Tara was getting ready to move back, but Jax stopped her._

_"Tara? Happy New Year," he then leaned over and kissed her. Tara didn't respond right away, out of shock, but as she felt Jax pulling away, she grabbed the top of his sweatshirt and pulled him to her. She had dreamt of this moment more times then she would like to admit to herself. Before she knew it, Jax was almost flush against her skin and had his hands all over her body._

_"Jax, don't." Tara said squirming away from his touch on her bare skin._

_"Hey, don't do that Tara. You're beautiful." That compliment was all Tara needed to keep her going. Jax had called her beautiful, and not a lot of people did that and meant it. In that moment she felt more love and affection for Jax then she ever had, which was saying a lot. In her mind though, she knew she should slow down, he was probably drunk and would regret sleeping with a friend in the heat of the moment. She didn't think he would regret it with her because Jax was an equal opportunity kind of guy, he slept with any woman, but he had a semblance of a moral code and would regret that he actually likes her._

_But she didn't slow down, and neither did Jax. For one night, Jax and Tara spent the night together. Something both of them had been wanting, but was too scared to admit to the other._

After she pulled herself from her musings, she was excited and confused.

"Why would Jax think that he pushed me away because we slept together?"

"About two days before you left town, we were at mine and Op's old apartment and you were venting to me about Kyle. You were saying how it wasn't fair that he was using you for his own enjoyment and you wished you could go back and make it so things never happened again. Well Jax overheard the last part of that conversation and thought it was directed towards him. He had never forgiven himself for that. I think maybe now he knows it was about Kyle, but I think when you're calmed down enough you should talk to him. Get this all straightened out."

Almost as if on que, someone knocked on the bedroom door. Tara shot a startled look to Donna, but nodded her head. Donna got up and answered the door, where Jax was standing on the other side. Jax stepped in and Donna made her move to leave.

_Will you be okay?_ Donna mouthed to Tara, who nodded her head minutely.

"Hey, I'm sorry for the way I reacted with the Kyle thing. That's just not what we expected is all. We're going to take it to the club later today and we'll go from there. I-I am also sorry for what I said. I shouldn't have made the comments that I did. I'm just surprised that you don't want anything done about it. I shouldn't be though. You've always shouldered your problems without having anyone else help. But that's not how it's going to be anymore. We're all here for you, and since your a part of this weird family with Op, Donna, and me, your family to the club too. We take care of our own, Tara. That's just how it is."

"It's not your fault I left, Jax. Donna told me what you overheard, but that wasn't about you. The reason that I never brought that situation up again is because I assumed you were drunk and you would regret it in the morning. So I slipped out while you were still sleeping, thinking you might not even remember it. I don't regret that night, I never would. It was a great night, probably the best of my life. I'm sorry that you have carried that burden with you for five years, but you don't need to anymore."

"Tara, I've never regretted that, and I wasn't drunk. I did that because I've always wanted to."

The two sat in awkward silence for a few minutes, and were saved when someone knocked on the door. Opie shoved his head through the smallest opening he could.

"We have to be at the clubhouse in four hours Jax. You should get some sleep. Tara, you still okay to stay here this week?"

"Yeah, Op, I'm fine. I have to go in for some pre-employment stuff at St. Thomas at noon, but I'll be back." Op just smiled in response and closed the door.

"Tara, I know we have a lot we need to talk about, but how about we both lay down for a bit. No funny business, I promise."

Tara laughed. "Yeah, I've heard that before."

But this time they did just sleep and before either of them wanted to, Chibs was in waking Jax up to go to Chapel and Tara needed to get ready to go to St. Thomas.

On the way out the door, Jax stopped in the kitchen where Donna and Tara were sitting with Ellie, who had just gotten dropped off from the baby sitter.

"Hey, we'll be back later today. I'll be staying here for awhile while things are getting renovated at my house, so we can talk later okay?"

Tara looked up from Ellie and smiled. "Yeah, okay. See you guys later."

When Chibs walked by he kissed Tara on the head. "It's really nice to finally meet you, Doc. And don't worry, everything will be okay and you're safe here."

-AHW-

Chapel was running business as normal for the club. Piney was still out, facing his demons. Which in club terms means he has been too drunk to leave his house for almost a month. So Kozik was still sitting in for him. Happy was also in visiting from Tacoma. Since he is looking to make the jump to Redwood, he has been sitting in on the meetings. As Clay was getting ready to adjourn the meeting, Jax spoke up about a club issue that has surfaced.

"Everyone met Tara last night, right?" Jax asked being met with nods of agreement from everyone except Tig. He just looked confused.

"Donna's stripper sister from Jax's party." Chibs knew that wasn't true, but it would be the one thing that would remind Tig. Which worked, as Tig smiled and nodded in agreement, finally.

"Okay well, some shit came out last night about why she jumped ship five years ago. She was in a really bad abusive relationship with a guy. He threatened to kill her and she fled, fearing that he would actually do it." Jax explained.

"How is this a club matter, Jax? It's horrible, but isn't that something you and Op can take care of on your own?" Clay asked, knowing they would rectify that situation.

"It's a club matter when Kyle was the one that had beat the shit out of her." Opie said with disgust.

"Well, that definitely changes things," Juice piped up.

"I have a question before we get too far into this. Did anyone remember seeing Kyle bringing in anyone to the clubhouse that wasn't his wife?" Jax asked.

Low murmurs were heard, but no one spoke up. Everyone spent most of their nights shit faced and wouldn't remember anything anyway.

"Just think about if you did, because most of the time he brought her here. I don't like thinking that a woman was beat up in our own clubhouse and no one did anything to stop it. I'm guilty of not seeing it too, but I don't want to find out anyone else knew about this. I couldn't handle it." Jax said regretfully.

The club then talked about their options in regards to Kyle. They adjourned after coming to the conclusion that they would have to wait for Kyle to come to Charming before they did anything. No point seeking him out when he would return one day.

They were leaving the Chapel when Jax's phone rang. Gemma's name flashed across the screen.

"Hey, Ma. What's up?"

"Jax, you need to get to St. Thomas right away. It's Wendy."

-AHW-

Tara had just finished filling out her paperwork when Margaret Murphy came into the lounge.

"Tara, I know you don't technically start yet, but we have had two people call in and there's an emergency in the neonatal unit. Is there anyway that you can stay until things get settled down?"

Tara didn't have any scrubs with her, but knew that there would be extras.

"Yeah, absolutely. Is there someone I can get a pair of scrubs to wear for the day?"

Margaret showed her to the other lounge area that housed extra garments of all kinds, and showed her the way to the neonatal unit.

There was flutter all around the ward, with doctors and nurses running from one room to the next. Margaret showed her to a room where an impossibly small child was laying in the incubator waiting for tests to be run. A doctor walked up behind Tara giving her the chart.

"Male child born approximately two hour ago. 12 weeks premature and in need of two different kind of surgeries. We need to get him stabilized before we are able to do that. Thanks for covering for us." The doctor handed her the chart and left without waiting for a reply.

Tara took the chart the doctor had handed her. There was no name for the child, just the mothers name. In the jumble of the moment, Tara didn't realize that the child she was trying to save was the son of the man trying to save her.

After a few hours, Tara and a team of others were able to get the child stabilized enough to get him to surgery. The likelihood of him making it out of surgery was not very good though. Since all of the doctors were busy with the child, Tara was appointed to go out to the waiting room to see if there was any family for the child there.

Tara took a deep breath and went to the waiting room. She was surprised when not only Jax was there, but Gemma, Donna, and the rest of the club were in the waiting room.

"Jax, what are you doing here?"

"My mom brought in my ex. She was laying unconscious in the middle of her kitchen floor. Cracked out while pregnant with my kid." Jax said hollowly.

Everything hit Tara like a ton of bricks. The small child was Jax's and there was a high probability that the baby wouldn't survive the surgeries he was being taken to.

"Oh god, Jax. I'm so sorry. Is your ex Wendy Case?" Tara continued when everyone nodded.

"I don't know the whole situation with Wendy, but I know that your son is in bad shape Jax. They had to do an emergency c-section on her if they wanted to keep the baby alive. It took a few hours, but we were able to stabilize him. But he is in surgery now." Tara had tried to maintain professionalism, but it was becoming increasingly hard.

"Tara, what are his chances of survival." Gemma asked.

"Not good, they give him a 10-20 percent chance of making it out of surgery." Jax looked like he was going to ask more questions, but was cut off by a doctor looking for the family of Wendy.

"Are you the father of the child?" The doctor asked Jax.

"Yeah, Jax Teller."

"Can you come with me for a moment, Mr. Teller?"

"Whatever you have to say, just say it here. I'll tell them all anyway."

The doctor looked reluctant, but didn't really want to go against such rough looking men.

"Wendy made it through the c-section, but there were some complications. She didn't regain consciousness until about half hour ago. There is some paper work that you are going to have to come with me to fill out, Mr. Teller."

"What kind of paperwork?" Gemma asked/

"Well for starters we have to do a paternity test."

"A paternity test? Why? That's my son in there!" Jax argued.

"I understand that Mr Teller, but Wendy is relinquishing all rights to your son. In order for that to happen, we have to establish paternity for the child so we can show the courts that the child does in fact have a biological parent willing to take care of him."

"What a selfish, junkie bitch." Gemma said under her breath.

Jax shot Tara a scared, pleading look and followed the doctor back to take responsibilities for something he wasn't ready to do alone.

**A/N2: Okay guys, I know this was a long chapter, and it was a lot of information, but I wanted to get it out there. Let me know what you guys think. I'm open for suggestions too! Let me know what you want to see.**


	4. Abel and Willing

**A/N: I have gotten a lot of positive feedback from that last chapter, and I appreciate it. I wasn't sure how it would be received with all the information brought to light, and with how lengthy it was compared to my other two, but thanks guys! You're all amazing. Please do not get used to me posting this much, as it'll only be happening this week. I'm actually off work until Thursday, so I've had a lot of writing time. **

**Special thanks to elbeewoods who is kind of like my metaphorical rock in the fan fiction world. You're awesome! :) Well guys, Allons-y!**

Margaret caught up to Tara as she was coming back into the neonatal unit. When she caught the look of shock on Tara's face, she immediately began to worry.

"Tara. Are you alright?"

"Hm? Yeah, sorry Ms. Murphy. I'm okay. Just been a long day. I actually know the patients father, Jax."

"Please, call me Margaret. And I'm sorry about your friend. That little man in there is going to have quite the road to recovery. I guess it's good his dad is friends with a nurse who specializes in this sort of thing. The on call nurses just got here to relieve you. You're free to go and you don't have to come back for anymore pre-employment stuff. We'll see you next week for your "official" first day. Just be careful Tara. I don't know much about those men, but some of the stuff I do know isn't good."

Tara laughed without humor in her voice. "I'll be alright Margaret. I'm safe there." And she knew it was true.

-AHW-

The group were still congregated in the waiting room when Tara exited through a side door. Donna saw her first and ran over to meet her.

"Hey, is everything alright?"

"Yeah, it's the same from just a few minutes ago. The baby is still in surgery and will be for some time now. I'm actually off work so I'm going to hang out here and wait with you guys. I'll be here to answer any questions that any one has in the process. Well, to the best of my ability anyway."

Tara and Donna went to rejoin the group and were met with Chibs and Opie standing front and center waiting for them.

"It's a good thing your here, Doc. We have a lot of questions, and Jax is going to need a helping hand with that little man." Again, kind words from Chibs.

"Chibs, how many times do I have to tell you, I'm not a doctor yet. Just a plain ol' nurse."

"Hey, don't diminish what you do. You helped save that little boys life when his own mother didn't care enough to keep him from dying." This time it was a younger blond guy that she had met last night, but couldn't remember his name.

"Thanks...?" She was trying to lead him to say his name without outright telling him she forgot.

"Kozik." he answered, smiling.

Gemma walked up to Tara briskly and Tara moved away slightly from the sudden contact. Opie laid a reassuring hand on her back to show that it was okay. Gemma looked mean, but she wasn't mad at Tara in this situation, she just didn't know how to shut her anger off when necessary.

"Tara, I know what you told us in your professional opinion, but in your personal opinion, what do you think his chances are?"

All eyes were on Tara and she was growing nervous by the second.

"I agree with my professional opinion. But I also think that this child is very strong. Statistically a good percentage of children born that premature don't make it past the first hour. For him to be stable enough for surgery is a good thing. He is in good hands with Dr. Nameed I can promise you that. He is known all around the country for his work in the neonatal surgical field. That baby is a fighter, and he has one hell of a family waiting for him. I think that he will pull through this. If he makes it out of surgery without complications, he will be fine. It's a long road to recovery, but the support system you guys have in place is amazing and that can do amazing things."

Everyone smiled at Tara and went about with their conversations they were having before she had gotten there.

In the one corner was Chibs, Tara, Donna, Opie, and Kozik.

"Tara, I hate to bring this up now, but we met with the club today regarding your little issue you had."

Tara grew still. Now everyone knew of her problem, and they were going to feel sorry for her. That was something she didn't take well, pity.

"Great, now everyone knows. They probably think I'm some sort of delusional slut. I slept with a married man after all."

"This isn't something you brought on yourself, Tara. This was a major fuck up by a demented man. You can't harbor that anymore then you need to. No one thinks less of you because of your relationship with him. Everyone here has skeletons in their closet, and yours aren't that bad. But we can't just let this go. Everyone hurts when a member of the family hurts." Kozik who had just met Tara the previous night, already made her feel like she belonged here.

"So what are you guys going to do? I'd prefer if it were nothing, but Jax made it perfectly clear that wasn't going to happen."

"Well, you got your wish for now. We decided to wait until he comes back here before we make any further decisions. And no offense, but now we have a lot more to worry about. A junkie ex and a sick child."

Tara was glad that the main focus of everyone's attention would be the baby. She couldn't handle it if anyone was worried about her past when there was something much more pressing in the present.

Everyone sat around and talked for a while longer. A few members came up to ask Tara some questions, and even just to reintroduce themselves. They remembered her about as much as she remembered them.

Donna and Tara were left alone when the men went to talk to Clay.

"How you holding up Tara? It's been a long day for you hasn't it?"

"Yeah, but you know, it's my job. There are going to be days like this everyday. That's what happens in the neonatal unit. It just hits so close to home that I had trouble remaining professional when Jax looked like he was in so much pain." Donna didn't get to respond before the man of topic came into view.

"Jax! How did everything go back there?" Opie asked, rejoining the little group.

"I don't know, Op. I didn't see Wendy, I couldn't without losing my temper. How could she do this? Any of it? Shoot up while pregnant. I thought that habit of hers was kicked before she even became pregnant. And then to just toss him to the side when she didn't feel like she could handle it? It's probably for the best anyway. She'd make a shitty mother."

Tara looked at Jax and knew there was more to what he was saying. Deep in his eyes she could see worry. Worry for the child, and worry for himself. He didn't know how to raise a baby, let alone by himself. He still depended on his mother for things, how was he going to have someone depend on him so completely.

"Tara. Thank you so much for what you have done for Abel. I appreciate it more then I can say. Even if he doesn't make it, I know that you did all you could to help."

"Jackson Teller! That is no way to talk. Your son is going to make it. He has to!" Gemma was on the verge of hysteria when she thought of losing her grandchild before she even met him.

"Abel?" Chibs asked.

"Yeah, I think it's a very fitting name for him. If he's able to survive this rough start to life, he will be able to live through some pretty shitty times in life."

"I think it's a great name, Jax." Tara said, smiling the best she could in the tense situation.

Jax turned to the group.

"I appreciate you all being here. You don't have to stay. I know there are some of you who have families at home who probably want to see you. And I'm sure these club business somewhere that needs taking care of. I love that you're all here supporting me, but I think I've got this. I just ask that Donna, Opie, and Tara stay. Please." Jax could see that everyone was going to put up an argument, especially his mother.

"Please, Ma. It's just too much right now. I know you mean well but you'll hound doctors and nurses and be a bitch to anyone who doesn't give you the answer you want. I just want some down time. I'm not leaving and I will inform everyone as SOON as I hear anything on his status. Please, just go home for a while."

Everyone abide by his wishes with the exception of Kozik and Chibs. Koziks excuse was he didn't have anyone waiting for him since he doesn't technically live in Charming. Chibs excuse was that most of his family just walked out the door and he wasn't leaving family here to suffer in a small group. Jax wanted to argue but he just didn't have it in him.

The group sat around talking for a couple of hours before Dr. Nameed emerged from the unit. He had blood spattered on his scrubs and the sight made them all nauseous.

"Mr. Teller?"

"Yeah, that's me."

"Okay. I'm going to start with the best news. He made it out of surgery. With his size and premature status, there were some complications. His body didn't respond right away and we lost him for a minute. With that said, he is attached to some machines to help him breathe, since his lungs aren't fully formed yet. Also, since he doesn't have very prominent veins, the IV is being administered on the top of his head. It looks bad, but it isn't any more painful than if he were to have one in his arm."

All six people in the group had grief stricken looks on their faces. Tara was aware of the possibilities, but being as she knew this child by extension, it made it that much more difficult.

"Can I see him?" Jax asked hopefully.

"Yes, two people may be admitted into the room at a time. But you won't be able to touch him. He will be placed in a, well; it looks like a clear plastic box. It's to help regulate body temperature and keep germs out."

"Thank you doctor, so much." Jax said gratefully.

"If there are any other questions Nurse Knowles knows how to contact me." With that Dr. Nameed left through the same doors he emerged from.

"Tara, could you come with me?"

Tara was surprised by the question. Meeting his son for the first time and he wanted her there with him? Tara's heart swelled at the idea of sharing this moment with Jax. It deflated slightly when she realize d it was probably only because she would be Abel's nurse soon.

"Um yeah, if you're sure?" Tara unintentionally posed it as a question. Jax nodded his head and asked her to lead the way.

Before Tara could open the door she had motioned was Abel's, Jax grabbed Tara's hand, haltering her where she stood.

"I don't know if I can do this. I'm not parent material, Tara. And what if I go in there and have this bond with him and he ends up dying? What then? What am I supposed to do?" Jax's eyes started getting misty and he stopped before emotion took him over completely. Without really thinking of her actions, she withdrew her hand from Jax's and placed both of hers on his face.

"Jax. You will love this child and be the best father to him this boy could have. You want to know how I know this? Because deep in your heart, you'd already die for him then to let something happen. You already feel that bond between father and son; simply because he exists. It's changed you irrevocably."

Jax leaned his head into Tara's embrace. He then pulled her into a tight hug. She thought she felt him kiss her head, but she wasn't sure if her imagination was just at work. He pulled away and went to the door. With his hand on the door handle, he took a deep breath and pushed the door open. Jax's breath hitched upon seeing his son laying there. He picked up his pace until he was hovering over the baby.

"He's so small, Tara. How is he even alive?"

"He's a strong kid Jax. You did good."

"I didn't do anything." Jax argued.

"Yes you did. You didn't give up."

"How much does he weigh?" Jax asked Tara.

"He's approximately 2 pounds 5 ounces. Very small, but he'll grow. He may even be tall like you or Op someday." She said, nudging his shoulder.

"Yeah, or he could be a midget like you or Donna." Jax laughed for the first time all day.

-AHW-

The two sat in the room and talked about what would come next. About half hour later, Tara excused herself so that someone else could visit with Jax and Abel. She asked if there was anyone she specifically wanted to see.

"Yeah, could you send in Op. And have Donna or one of the guys call the clubhouse to inform them. But tell them he isn't allowed to have visitors yet. I don't want too much commotion surrounding him right now." Tara smiled at him.

"Look at you, daddy. Already making smart choices for your son."

Tara left the room feeling lighter then when she had entered it. She made it to the waiting room and explained to Opie how to get back to where Jax was with Abel. Tara then turned to the trio that was waiting for their chance to meet little Teller.

"Hey. Jax asked me to have one of you three to call the clubhouse and explain that he made it out of surgery alright. He also wants you to tell them that he isn't allowed to have visitors so there's no point in anyone coming down right now." Everyone knew that was a lie since Tara and Opie had already met the baby, but they didn't want to risk the wrath of Jax coming after them.

"Chibs, you call the clubhouse and I'll call Gemma directly. She'll flip shit if she finds out through association what is going on." Chibs nodded his head in agreement and went to one side of the waiting room while Donna went to the other.

Kozik came up and sat next to Tara, who looked appropriately exhausted.

"Hey you alright there?" Kozik asked her.

"Yeah, just a long day. We didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I was only supposed to come in for paperwork today so I wasn't concerned with it. I didn't expect to pick up part of a shift. It's been a long day physically and emotionally for everyone."

Kozik patted Tara on the knee. "You should head back to Opie's. You look dead on your feet. I know you want to stay here, but there's only so much you can do, ya know?"

Tara hated to admit it, but Kozik was right. She was extremely tired and really wanted to go home and take a shower.

"Yeah, you're right. Thanks Kozik."

"Anytime dear, anytime."

Tara headed over to where Donna was standing to explain to her about what she wanted. Donna gave her a spare key and explained that she'd be home in about an hour after she picked Ellie up from daycare. Tara excused herself from the group and went back to Abel's room. It was only two per room but she figured if she just stopped in for two seconds, no one would fault her for it. She peeked into the room and saw Jax and Opie both standing above the baby, appearing to be having an intense conversation. She hated to interrupt them, but she didn't want to leave without an explanation. She knocked timidly before she opened the door. Both men looked up setting their intense gaze on her.

"Oh hey, let me give you the room. I'm sure Jax has more questions." Opie said quickly, really making her wonder what they were talking about.

"No, that's alright. Actually I just wanted to let you guys know that I would be leaving. I didn't expect to be working today and with the eventful night we had last night, I'm extremely tired. I hope that's alright with you, Jax."

"Yeah, of course it is. I didn't mean to be selfish and have you stay here all day. I'm sorry about that."

"No, I wanted to be here. I will tell you though; they will probably be kicking you out in about two hours. When he gets a little stronger and needs the contact, they'll let you stay here, but right now it's more beneficial to let the doctors do their work through the night, and then come back in the mornings." The guys nodded at her and she took that for her cue to leave.

After saying goodbye to Chibs, Kozik, and Donna, Tara was dismayed to find that one of the men was following her to Opie's house. When she pulled into the driveway, Chibs met her at the door.

"Sorry, Doc. Can't be too careful. Saw how tired you were and tired and driving doesn't always mix well. Just wanted to make sure you got here okay," he said with a sheepish grin on his face.

"Thanks, Chibs. I appreciate that. See you later." Tara ducked into the house. She relished in the quiet, knowing that it would not last very long. She had grabbed her bags from the trunk and dropped them off in the guest bedroom. She gathered what she needed for a shower and headed towards the bathroom. After a long, hot shower, she put some pajamas on and went to lie down. It was only 6 pm, but the last two days have seemed to bleed together and she found herself much more exhausted then she realized.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed before she heard commotion in the front room. She threw her pillow over her head to try and quiet the sounds a little more. She was too exhausted to come out, unless of course it was related to Abel, and then she would jump at the chance. There was a light knock on the door and some light appeared through.

"Tara, honey, I'm sorry to wake you up, but are you hungry? Opie and I brought home some pizza. Kozik and Chibs are eating here tonight too."

Tara mumbled what she hoped sounded like a _no thank you_. She figured the point got across when the door closed. She pulled out her cell phone and realized that only 45 minutes had passed since she had gotten out of the shower. She probably hadn't even fully fallen asleep yet, which would account for her incoherence. She set an alarm for the morning, thinking there was a good chance that she would sleep completely through the night.

-AHW-

It took the nurses about ten extra minutes to tear Jax away from Abel's room, but when they were able to, Jax immediately said he wanted to go back to Donna and Opie's house. His house wouldn't be ready for them to live in for another two months. The renovations were scheduled to be done approximately 4 weeks before the baby was due. Until then, he would be staying between the clubhouse and Opie's. Though Opie's house had much more allure then it used to, thanks to a certain nurse that is staying with them for the week.

The four men rode their motorcycles back to the house, while Donna took her car and picked up Ellie and the pizza. When she got back to the house, all the lights were off except for the main room where the men were sitting. She noticed right away that Jax and Chibs weren't in the room.

"Hey babe, where did Chibs and Jax go?"

"Oh, they're just outside smoking. Jax, I think, is still adjusting to his son being here, but not being _here._ He also kind of wants to talk to Tara but I'm assuming she's sleeping after the last two days she's had."

"I'll go check on her. She should eat something anyway. I brought pizza." Kozik was off the couch immediately and following Donna into the kitchen.

"I need to get me an ol' lady," Kozik said heartily. Donna just laughed at him.

"Koz, you can order pizza all by yourself, you know. Doesn't take a woman to pick up the phone." Kozik had the smarts to look admonished for his words, but continued eating anyway.

Dona made her way down the hallway and noticed that the guest room door was closed. She knocked timidly and opened the door. Tara was strewn over the middle of the bed with a pillow attached to her face. Donna didn't want to wake her, but needed to give her the chance to get something to eat.

"Tara, honey, I'm sorry to wake you up, but are you hungry? Opie and I brought home some pizza. Kozik and Chibs are eating here tonight too."

Donna laughed to herself when Tara mumbled something unintelligible. Donna closed the door quietly and went back into the kitchen. When she walked in she had to smile at the way Jax was playing with Ellie. He was being more cautious then she's ever seen him. By her best guess, she'd say he was taking the practicing thing more seriously now.

Everyone sat around and ate and talked for a few hours before Chibs and Kozik excused themselves to go back to the clubhouse around 10.

"You coming Jackie Boy?"

"Nah, I'm going to crash here tonight. It's closer to the hospital, just incase anything happens throughout the night."

"Closer to the hospital, right." Kozik said with a knowing smile on his face. He knew that the reason Jax would be staying with Opie was because of a certain nurse that was fast asleep in the only other bedroom in the house. He felt a twinge of jealously over Jax's affection for Tara, but he knew that would soon pass.

"Shut up and get out you two." Donna said, pushing them towards the door.

"Anything changes Jackie Boy and you call me immediately. Any time, got it?" Chibs said sternly.

Jax nodded at the two before they made their way out.

"I think I'm going to call it a night too guys, I want to get up and go straight to the hospital in the morning to be with Abel." Jax got up and headed for the guest room.

"Hey uh Jax, where you going? The couch is free tonight, ya know." Donna said.

"Yeah, I know. But I much prefer the floor over that piece of shit couch."

Donna and Opie laughed, knowing the real reason he was sleeping in the guest room.

Jax went as quietly as he could into the guest room. Tara had moved over to one side and Jax he could chance it by laying on the other side. He got his own set of blankets so Tara realized he just meant to sleep there.

As he laid there, the last two days ran through his head. It was just one surprise after another. Tara's return, the revelation about Kyle, and everything with Abel. He just couldn't keep everything straight in his mind. The one constant seemed to be Tara. She was present in everything he did and wanted to do.

Opie had confronted him about how he had acted towards Tara, both last night and this morning. Opie was worried that with everything going on, it'd be too much for Tara to handle after just getting back to town. Jax tried to explain to Opie that his intentions with Tara were good and he still felt the same way he did 5 years ago. He also had to explain to Opie how he would never intentionally hurt her. Opie loved Tara like a sister, and Jax may be his best friend, but hurting Tara was unacceptable.

Through his musings, Jax heard Tara begin to mutter in her sleep. It wasn't full words or sentences, but she sounded extremely stressed and scared.

"No, please," she said as she began to toss and turn. Jax decided to wake her up when her leg came into close contact with a certain part of his anatomy.

"Tara, darlin'. It's time to wake up." Jax trying to wake her only made her thrash more.

"Please, no. Help. Jax, help me." Jax's heart started hammering in his chest when he realized she was dreaming of him. From the sounds he wasn't the cause of the nightmare, but he was her savior. Jax sat up straight and gripped her shoulders.

"Tara. Please get up." with a few not so gentle shoves in the shoulder, Tara shot up in bed. Her hair was matted to her face and she had tear stains on her face. Jax laid a hand on her shoulder and she flinched, but turned towards him.

"Jax?" Tara asked, confused.

"Yeah, it's me. You had a bad dream. You were yelling and thrashing in your sleep."

"Oh, Jax."

Tara surprised both of them by launching herself at him. Her frame fit perfectly into Jax's arms, just the way they always had. Apparently cosmetic changes didn't change the way they fit together so well. Tara had thrown her arms around his neck and was holding on for dear life. Jax was rocking her body along with his. HIs hands were cupping her head and face, trying to soothe away her tears. Tara moved so her chest was flush with Jax's, and her legs were wrapped securely around his body.

Even though Jax didn't want it to happen, his body responded to the contact his body had with Tara's. She had very skimpy pajamas on and they were thin. Jax's body was definitely responding to all the stimuli he was receiving right now.

Tara had stopped shaking, but her arms never left Jax's neck.

"Tara" Jax called softly, and Tara turned her head to face him. She hadn't expected Jax's face to be so close to hers when she turned. When she did, her lips made contact with Jax's and it sent her body into flames. Jax didn't react right away, but Tara did. She clung to him even more and kissed him reverently. In Jax's mind he knew that he shouldn't be doing this, but he didn't want to stop. Kissing Tara had been something he only had once, and has craved it every day since.

The kiss picked up pace and Jax situated himself so he could lay Tara down, with him hovering over her. She kept her legs wrapped around his midsection through the whole transition. Jax's mind was reeling. He shouldn't be doing this, there was so much going on. He didn't know if he could take the ramifications of a sexual relationship right now. Especially not with Tara, of whom he was pretty sure he was in love with.

But when Tara moaned his name into his mouth, all resolve he had to stop was shattered into a million pieces. Jax slid his hand under Tara's camisole, to take it off, when she pulled away a little.

"Don't. You're beautiful." As soon as Jax said those words, the same words he had uttered in the same situation five years ago, Tara stilled completely. Almost as if she'd just realized her surroundings, she gasped.

"Jax, I'm so sorry." Jax looked at her dumbfounded.

"Why are you apologizing to me, Tara?"

" I shouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry. I didn't really think about it, I just did it." Tara was still laying underneath of him, and made attempt to move.

"I thought a lot about it, and I still did it." He smiled at her, trying to ease the situation.

"How about we lay down, and we can talk about some stuff before things get too far?" Tara asked.

Jax looked at Tara. Did he want to go down this rabbit hole? The last relationship he was in ended in a drug addict almost killing his child. But Tara was nothing like Wendy. She was great and would be a good addition to this fucked up family Jax has surrounding himself. The only question he had for himself: Would he let her in, or shut her out like he always has?

**A/N: Well? Is Jax going to let her in without fighting her every step of the way!? :) Thanks to everyone who reviews, you guys are amazing. I appreciate the feedback you give me and use it while writing later chapters.**


	5. Wendy's case

**A/N: So, I have musical inspiration for this chapter. Pompeii by Bastille. If you don't know this song, look it up, it's AMAZING! If you know the songs, you'll recognize the lyrics as some lines in the chapter. Hope everyone enjoyed the last chapter. Readership has fallen slightly, but that's okay because I have faithful viewers! So with that said I'd like to thank patto85, xshynenstarx, and of course elbeewoods! You're all awesome :)**

_Jax looked at Tara. Did he want to go down this rabbit hole? The last relationship he was in ended in a drug addict almost killing his child. But Tara was nothing like Wendy. She was great and would be a good addition to this fucked up family Jax has surrounding himself. The only question he had for himself: Would he let her in, or shut her out like he always has?_

Jax laid there, staring at the woman in front of him. This woman had the capability of destroying him so easily that it scared him. He wanted to talk to her, wanted to let her in, but he didn't know if he was capable of it. There was so much riding on him that he just wanted to crawl in a corner and wait for it all to be over.

But then he thought of losing Tara again. And it hurt. It hurt more then he realized. He thought of his life without her for the last five years. And they were filled with pain and faceless women. Women that he used just to try to fill the void of Tara being gone. He'd never told her five years ago how he felt about her, because he didn't want to get rejected. His love and affection for this woman ran so deep, it was an integral part of his life. But now, now things were different. He was a completely different person, and she definitely was too. She had gone through so much, he wasn't sure that'd she would be able to trust a man again. He knew from experience with his mom and Clay that once that trust is gone, it's very hard to get back.

"Jax, you alright?" Tara brought him out of his musings.

"Yeah, just thinking about some stuff." He said evasively.

"Anything you want to talk about?"

Now was his chance, his chance to tell her, well anything. He could start opening up his heart. There is no way he would tell her all of it outright. But he could at least start building bridges that could someday lead to more with her. He just had to allow himself to open his heart to her. His damaged, broken, dilapidated heart.

He took a deep breath and looked straight into her eyes.

"Yeah, actually. I was thinking about you."

Tara shied away and smiled. "What about me?"

"Just, how sorry I am for the last five years. And...well..." He paused and sat up straight. He pulled Tara up with him so they were sitting Indian style facing each other.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you how much your friendship meant to me. You weren't just an extension of Opie. You were in a class all of your own. I didn't show my appreciation for you when I should have. All those times you picked me up off the bathroom floor when I was too drunk to do it myself. I regret those times, Tara. Those moments are where we spent most of our time just me and you, and you were taking care of me. I just don't understand why you did it. You felt like we were only friends by association, but you still took care of me like it mattered to you." Tara sighed from beside him.

"It did matter to me, Jax. I loved those moments. In those moments I felt like I was doing something, like I _was_ someone. Yes, you made some shitty choices back in the day, but who didn't. I didn't want to see you hurt or in pain, even pain that was dumb and self inflicted. We were young, Jax, and dumb. But that didn't mean that I didn't care for you, even if I knew you didn't feel the same."

Now was his chance. He could at least clear the air about everything. He knew neither of them were ready for anything bigger, but that doesn't mean she can't know about how he feels. After everything she had done for him, he felt she deserved it.

"Tara, I'm going to tell you a little story. Do you want to hear a story? It's a great one." he said smiling slyly at her.

She nodded lethargically and laid back down. "I'd love for you to tell me a story, Mr. Teller."

Jax smirked at her comment and laid down, facing her, hands under his face.

"Once upon a time there was a Prince. He lived in an awesome town called Charming. He was Prince of Charming, and it fit him." Tara smacked him on the shoulder and laughed as he continued.

"He was best friends with the jester. And the jester was dating the...milk maid." Jax said, not being able to think of anything other then a wench.

"Oh, Donna will LOVE that!" Tara said heartily

"ANYWAY! The three of them played together and soon, a princess joined the group. See, she was best friends with the milk maid. The quartet was inseparable. They went to parties together and hung out with each other any chance they had. But the princess was unhappy. She was unhappy because people weren't always nice to her. But the prince, the jester, and the milkmaid were there for her faithfully. Through the years, the respect and gratitude that the prince felt for her grew. But he was too scared to tell her. He didn't want to drive a wedge between the group. The princess took the role of mother hen with them and never complained about anything that she had done or was asked for her. Everyone, especially the prince, respected her and were grateful for her. But one day, she left. She didn't tell anyone she was leaving. It destroyed the trio that was left to pick up the pieces. The prince of Charming believed that if he could have just been man enough to tell her that she was cared for, and she was wanted, then maybe the princess wouldn't have left. After many years, she returned. She was a whole new woman, and didn't need anyone to look after her or care of her. But the prince still wanted to. He wanted her to hear him out. Give it time, and let the old wounds heal so they could work on making new memories. Together."

Jax finally looked over at Tara, who appeared to be sleeping. Jax sighed and rolled over to his back. He stared at the ceiling, feeling like a fool for telling her how he felt. He wasn't sure how much of it he heard, but he didn't know if he could make himself vulnerable like that again. Tara sifted and laid her head on Jax's chest. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and gave her a gentle squeeze.

"I hear you, Jax." she said softly, emotion leaking through her tone.

Jax smiled and let himself drift off to the sleep he so desperately needed.

-AHW-

The next morning Donna walked into the guest bedroom to find the two laying in the same position they had fallen asleep in. She smiled and backed out of the room.

"Hey, Op. Anything you want to tell me?" Donna asked happily.

"I love you?" He said, questioningly.

"No, dip shit. Tara and Jax are in bed, together." she smiled

"Whoa, go Jax!" Opie fist bumped Ellie, who was eating breakfast.

"Not like that, dirty bird. They are fully clothed! But this is quite the change from yesterday. I mean, just getting along has been a problem for them. No this, it's just weird I guess."

"It's not weird Donna, it's natural. I just know that Jax isn't ready for it yet with everything going on. We had a talk yesterday about it when I was in with him and Abel. I kind of not so politely said that best friend or not I'd kick his ass if he hurt Tara." he smiled shyly at his wife.

"Ah, look at big brother Opie. It's so cute." Donna said, pinching his cheek.

They were interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Bet I know who that is, be right back." Donna said.

Opie was confused. They weren't expected anyone and it was only 7 in the morning, who the hell was up this early. He was only up because Donna was very adamant that if she had to wake up with the baby, then he did too. He used to get mad about it, but Donna was sick for a few days and he took primary care for Ellie. After those three days, he had a whole new appreciation for what Donna does on a daily basis.

"Knew it." Donna said. She walked back into the room trailed by Kozik.

"Morning, guys." He walked by Ellie and patted her head before sitting across from Opie at the table.

"What are you doing here so early man?" Opie asked him.

"Chibs and I wanted to see Jax. We hoped that he would let us meet baby Teller today. Chibs is pretty excited about the whole thing, you'd think it was his kid or something."

"Well, you know that since JT died, Chibs has been the role model that Jax needed. Clay was never able to fill those shoes. Too much hate in that old mans heart for it." Opie said seriously. He looked around the room, just now noticing that Chibs was missing.

"Didn't you say Chibs was with you?" Opie asked him.

As soon as the words left his mouth, they heard Chibs, presumably in the guest room.

"Way to go Jackie Boy!" He yelled obnoxiously.

The three left the kitchen and went to the guest room where Jax and Tara were still laying in bed. Jax just laughed, but Tara looked mortified to be caught in that position with so many people watching.

"Go away, Chibs. It's not what it looks like." Tara said.

"Doc, it looks like Jax weaseled his way into your bed in the middle of the night." he said sarcastically. Tara smiled.

"Then it's exactly what it looks like." She laughed as she got out of bed and went to the bathroom.

"Before you ask any questions, no nothing happened, no we're not dating, and no you can't smell my fingers."

"Um, what?" Donna asked, a mix between disgusted and confused.

"Brother, that was Tig that asked. And trust me, he's the only one that would want to fucking know shit like that." Chibs replied back.

"Okay, ew." Donna said, retreating back to the kitchen.

"Jax, everything alright." Opie asked, thinking back to the conversation from yesterday.

"Yeah, Op. Nothin' happened. At least nothing you have to beat my ass for, promise you that. We're good." And in his heart, he believed it to be true.

-AHW-

After Tara was dressed and ready for the day, Donna explained that she would be taking Ellie to daycare and going to work.

"Oh, I didn't realized that you had a job. Wow, that sounded crass, huh?" Tara said, mentally smacking herself on the head.

"No, it's alright. I don't really work I guess. I volunteer at the homeless shelter three days a week. I haven't worked since Opie got out of prison. He does pretty well with the club, and all the bills get paid for. As long as I don't think too hard about how he earns the money, everything is fine." Donna said dismissively.

Tara knew what Donna meant, and didn't press the issue any.

"Is that something I could do with you sometime?" Tara asked. She thought it would be good for her to get out and help other people. She was a nurse, but she got paid to do that. It would make her feel better if she were doing it out of the kindness of her heart, not for a paycheck.

"Yeah, do you want to come with me today?"

"I can't today, I have to go to the bank and finalize things with the house. We close in 3 days. But I will go with you sometime."

"Alright, thanks Tara." Donna got Ellie ready and left for the day.

Tara was sitting at the table reading the newspaper when the guys walked in.

"Hey, you just missed Donna. She just left for the shelter. I think it's awesome that she does that."

"Yeah, that woman is a saint, Op. How did you get so lucky?" Kozik asked.

"I got a big dick." Opie quipped back, without missing a beat. Tara couldn't help the laughter that emitted from her mouth. She didn't want to laugh, but she knew this was an on going joke between Opie and Jax.

"Whatever man, let's not go there, alright."

"Jealous?" Opie asked. Jax just laughed and walked out of the room.

-AHW-

Jax emerged from the back room about half an hour later. Freshly showered and changed.

"What are your plans for today, Tara?" Jax asked her.

"Well, I have to go to the bank in about half hour to sign some paperwork before I can close on the house, and them I'm not sure. I need to go shopping for some things to fill the house with. Right now I only have what I left Chicago with. That means I have my clothes, and some personal items. No furniture, no bed, nothing."

"Okay, well how about this. I'll go to the bank with you and when you're done there we can go shopping together. I have some stuff I still need to purchase for my house to get done. And then we can go see Abel."

"Jax, you don't have to do that. I can do it all by myself."

"Come on, Tara. I can't go see Abel for another three hours. Are you going to make me spend that time by myself?" He asked, flashing his steely blue eyes at her.

"I'll spend time with you, love." Chibs said as he walked into the room. He draped his arms over Jax's shoulders and smiled at him while batting his eye lashes.

"Get the fuck off me Scotty. I don't want to spend time with you." Tara laughed when Chibs clutched his hands over his heart and feigned pain.

"Alright, we'll go. Plus, I've been wanting to take a bike ride for awhile." She said, remembering all the times she was stuck on the back of his bike.

"YES! That's my girl." Jax said, walking back to get the extra helmet for her.

When Jax vacated the room, Chibs turned his attention to Tara.

"How you holdin' up, Doc?" he asked her seriously.

"I'm alright. It's going to be an adjustment, but things will settle down. I'm excited to just move on from things and settle down here in Charming. It's always been my home, I just lost it for a while. Sometimes I close my eyes and it almost feels like nothings changed at all." She said, closing her eyes.

"You're a good girl. You'll be a fine addition to this family." Chibs said patting her shoulder as he walked away.

Tara loved that everyone was making her feel so at home with everything. Jax walked in the room then, carrying the helmet.

"Recognize this?" he asked her, holding it out.

"Oh my god. Is that the one you got me when I almost fell off the back of your bike senior year?" she asked him incredulously.

"The one and only." he placed it on her head and buckled the bottom. "Look at that, still fits." He patted the top of it and looked into Tara's eyes. "It's always been a good fit."

-AHW-

After they were done at the bank, Jax asked if they could make a pit stop by the garage to talk to Gemma for a moment. Tara nodded, knowing there wasn't much of a choice, they were on Jax's bike after all.

They pulled up to Teller Morrow, and Gemma exited the office as soon as she saw his motorcycle. She walked up to the bike before Jax or Tara had the chance to get off.

"Is everything okay?" she asked, concerned.

"Yeah, Ma. Everything is fine. I just needed to talk to you about the house renovations."

"Jesus Jackson, you could have called. Why aren't you at the hospital?"

"I can't for another two hours. This is the best time for him to get his care; I'll be able to go at 10 a.m. I'll call you when you're able to see him too."

Gemma looked appeased by his answer, and ushered them into her office. Gemma sat down behind her desk and Jax took the seat across from her. Tara wasn't sure where to go, so she awkwardly stood in the door way, waiting for directions. She was still unsure about how to act around Gemma. She had only met her a couple of times, but there was always something weird there. Gemma's face was always hard when Tara was around, or maybe that's just how Gemma was. Either way, Tara wasn't stepping on her toes today.

"Sit down, Tara. You're making me nervous, like you're going to bolt through that door any second." Jax said, motioning to the chair she was standing next to. Tara laughed nervously and sat down in the chair.

"Alright, now what do you want to know about the house?" Gemma asked, clearly calmed down by this point.

"I need to know what furniture is left to buy. Tara is getting her house in three days and needs to go buy furniture. I figured since she's going, I'll get what I need for my house." Jax explained.

"You don't have any furniture?" Gemma asked her. Tara shook her head. "Nothing at all?" Again, Tara nodded her head.

"Jesus, I'm guessing this was an impromptu trip back home you made, huh?" Jax and Tara realized at the same time that Clay hadn't filled Gemma in on the details surrounding Tara's departure from Charming five years ago, or her return now.

"She just wanted a change of scenery, that's all." Tara shot Jax a grateful smile and bowed her head slightly.

She was still constantly amazed about how Jax was treating her. Neither one of them had mentioned the night before, with Jax's imaginative telling of his story, but they both understood it would take some time. Tara didn't notice that while her head was bowed, that Jax was staring intently at her. But Gemma did.

"Alright, here's a list of what you will be needing. It won't be much because a lot of your stuff could be re upholstered and made like new. One problem was, apparently when Wendy was staying with you, she had a drawer in the kitchen that she used to hide her stash, and a gun in. I was over taking some cabinets and stuff out, when I took the drawer out it rattled. After I found that, I went to ask Wendy about it, and saw her lying on the floor in her kitchen with the tourniquet still on her arm. It was bad Jax. If she weren't pregnant I would have left her there to die." Gemma was seething with anger.

Jax didn't like the idea of her having that in his house, but he was too blinded by his anger about Abel to even be mad about that anymore.

"Yeah, well we don't have to worry about that anymore. She's gone, or at least will be as soon as her druggie ass gets done detoxing enough for them to release her." Jax was interrupted from what he was saying when his phone rang. The caller ID said it was from St. Thomas Hospital.

"This is Ms. Knowles," she answered.

"Tara, this is Margaret Murphy. How are you doing today?" Margaret sounded nervous and a little tired.

"I'm fine Margaret, but I have to ask. Is everything okay there?"

Jax and Gemma were both intently listening to the conversation, knowing that Tara was speaking with someone from the hospital.

"I hate to do this to you, Tara; but is there any way you could come in for a few hours again today? We had two more babies born and put into our unit last night. All you would have to do is be the nurse for one child, until things get settled down. You'd be in with Abel Teller." Tara smiled at the thought of spending all day with the baby, and Jax of course.

"Yeah, I'm actually with his dad right now and don't have my vehicle. Can Jax come a couple of hours early? If not I'll be there in about 45 minutes." Jax was up and putting on his helmet. He wasn't sure what was going on, but knew there was a chance he was going to see his son.

"Bring Mr. Teller. That is fine. If anyone says anything, I okayed it."

"Alright, I'll be right there Margaret." Tara said before she hung up the phone.

"What's going on?" Gemma asked.

"There had two more emergencies come in through the neonatal unit last night. They need me to go in and basically be Abel's nurse for a few hours. Jax, you can come now if you want?" Tara asked knowing he would jump at the chance to go.

"Yeah, let's go," Jax said running through the door. Didn't even wait and say goodbye to his mother before he jet out of her office.

"Call me when I can come out!" Gemma yelled at the duo.

-AHW-

Tara went into the lounge and got some scrubs to change into. She ran into Dr. Nameed as he was exiting the lounge.

"Ah, good morning Ms. Knowles. I take it you're here to fill in for a bit?"

Tara smiled at him. "Yeah, I'm glad too. I can get a feel for it before I actually jump in and start working my regular long shifts. How's Abel Teller doing?"

This time is was Dr. Nameed's turn to smile. "That is one strong kid they've got there. He has improved just since getting out of surgery yesterday. It's remarkable that our will to survive starts so early in life." He exited the office after giving Tara one more content smile.

Tara felt a kinship with Abel. Both fighting to survive something that was out of their control. Abel was definitely the one who had more of a fight on his hands then Tara, but she still loved that little boy's will all the same.

After she had changed, she stopped by the nurses office to get Abel's chart, and headed to his room. She saw a woman standing in Abel's room. Before she had the chance to enter, Jax walked up behind her carrying two cups of coffee.

"Figured you might need this today." He said and kissed her on the forehead.

"Jax, who's that woman in Abel's room?" Jax looked through the door and all the color drained from his face. He threw the door open with much more force than necessary.

"Get the fuck out of my son's room, right now. You have no right to be here." Jax yelled at the woman.

"Jax, I just wanted to see him. That's all." The woman responded, backing up slightly away from Jax.

"No, you gave that right up remember? You didn't want my son. You pushed him aside like a piece of trash, and I won't have you coming in here thinking you can see him just because he won't remember. Because you know what Wendy, I'll remember. I'll always remember." Jax was getting increasingly angry, but was also feeling sad for his child.

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to leave," Tara said to Wendy.

"But, I'm his mother." Wendy pled with Tara.

Tara made a note to look over the chart. She then looked up to Jax and then over to Wendy.

"I'm sorry, but you're not listed. It has father as Jackson Teller and mother as none." Tara wanted to yell and scream at her. But knew that her job was a priority and she couldn't lose her temper.

Wendy looked down at Abel in his small box and up to Jax. She walked away, and didn't look back until she got to the door.

"I'll be here for a few more days. You should really come and talk to me. There is a lot I want to say to you before it's too late." Wendy pled with Jax. But Jax had no interest in listening to her.

"It's already too late."

After Wendy left the room, Jax paced around for nearly twenty minutes.

"Jax, are you alright?"

"No, but I will be when she's gone. I hate her so much Tara, you have no idea." Jax said, still pacing.

"You're right Jax. I don't know how much you hate her. But I'm still sorry for what you are going through. She won't be allowed in here again. After that stunt, they probably won't let her out of her room again." As soon as Wendy had walked out the door, Tara called hospital security to let them know the situation. They promised they wouldn't let it happen again.

A couple of hours passed by and Tara had spent time back and forth between Abel's room, the nurse's station, and meeting with various doctors to get updates for her charts. She passed by the waiting room and saw Chibs and Kozik sitting there.

"Hey guys. How long have you been here?"

"Jax text us about half an hour ago and told us what happened with that basket case ex of his. Figured we didn't have anything better to do so we came and sat here. Plus, I want to see the baby." The smile that lit up his face made Tara happy.

"Well, it's visiting hours, so how about you come with me?" Chibs got straight up and pat Kozik on the back.

"Be back soon, brotha."

Tara walked with Chibs hot on her heels. When she got to Abel's room, Jax was standing above Abel with his hand flush to the top of Abel's incubator. He seemed as though he was willing himself to be able to hold his son.

"Hey Jax, Abel's got a visitor." Tara ushered Chibs into the room.

"Jesus Christ Jackie Boy. He's so small." Chibs was amazed at the size of the small baby laying in front of him. He knew he'd be small, but he had no idea just how small a preemie baby could be.

"He's okay though, right Doc?" Chibs asked Tara.

"He's doing better. Just got the results from the latest set of tests. Was on my way to tell Jax when I saw you sitting in the waiting room."

"What'd the tests say Tara?" Jax asked impatiently.

"His body temperature is elevating sooner than anticipated. His vitals are becoming more stable. They were stable yesterday, just erratic at times. They've leveled out quite nicely and he's improving a lot. There's still a long road ahead for him, but this is definitely a step in the right direction."

Jax got up and hugged Tara, thanking her profusely.

"I didn't do anything but get the results Jax. You're boy is the one with the explicable will to live."

Jax smiled and looked down at Abel.

"It's pretty amazing either way Doc." Chibs said from beside them.

Chibs stayed and visited for about half an hour before he left and sent Kozik in. Again, Kozik was amazed about how small he was. They sat and talked about Abel and Jax asked if he'd be willing to help out on the house. Jax knew most of his time would be spent here at the hospital, and didn't want the renovations to be pushed back any farther.

"Yeah man, no problem. Chibs will help too. I'm sure Gem already has the prospect and others out there. Just let me know what you need."

Jax figured it was time to Call his mother so he made sure to clear out Chibs and Kozik. Neither of them wanted to catch the wrath of Gemma. She wanted to be the first one other than Jax to see Abel. But Jax didn't want the drama that Gemma brings with her wherever she goes. His mother means well, but she's a bitch.

It only took Gemma ten minutes to get there from the time Jax called her. Jax and Tara were both sitting on the chair when Gemma walked in. Jax sat in the base of the chair, while Tara was perched on one of the arms. Tara was talking and looking at Abel, but Jax was looking at her. This is the second time today she'd found them in that same position.

"Hey Jax." She nodded to him and walked over to Abel.

"Oh my little man. Look how small you are." Gemma said in a loving tone. It wasn't very often Jax heard such love and admiration in her voice, but he knew a baby, her grandchild, would bring that out in her.

Gemma stayed for nearly two hours. Tara came and went, but Jax never left the room. Tara had just been in a meeting with Margaret Murphy and David Hale, who was deputy police chief.

They had a meeting about pending charges against Wendy. The hospital filed a report about the state Wendy was in when she entered the emergency room.

"Jax, Gemma. I have something I need to talk to you about. It's a sensitive topic so I need your permission to tell you in front of your mother." Tara explained.

Tara knew Jax wouldn't have a problem with this, but the HIPA law mandates that she tell him that.

"Yeah, you can tell me with her here. What's going on?"

"Well first. I want to start by saying that the paternity test came back. He's your son." Tara smiled at Jax.

"No shit Tara. I knew that." Jax still breathed a sigh of relief. He knew if Wendy could hide her drug addiction, she could cheat on him.

"Okay. Now the next thing; I just met with Margaret Murphy, Chief of Medicine, and David Hale. A complaint was filed against Wendy. The hospital is mandated to file a report when someone comes in in that condition. Being as she was pregnant, it makes it worse. Wendy has two different charges pending against her right now." Tara stopped to catch her breath and collect her thoughts.

"What kind of charges?"

"Because the amount of narcotics was lethal in her blood stream, she's looking at one count of child endangerment and one count of attempted manslaughter."

Jax sat silent, thinking about what Tara had said. Wendy wouldn't get away with what she had done to his son. Internally, it made him a little happy.

"Serves her right. I have half a mind to go and finish her off." Gemma said.

She went to the door and turned to wink at Tara and Jax.

Tara shivered in response, watching her go.


End file.
